It's Still Good

I've been a little quiet on the blog this past month.  The Lady in the Stone House is commemorating her eighth anniversary this month.  There are seasons of plentiful posts and there are some dry spells too in eight years.  There are times with a lot to share and there are times when it is best to keep it to myself.  I do try to keep it real but want to respect my privacy and that of my tribe.

It is one of those times in life where it's hard to know what and how to share. My Dad has had Parkinson's disease for over ten years.  He has done very well in spite of  the disease and has not let it define him, though it has taken away his ability to do many things that he is best at doing, fixing cars, fixing things around the house, taking off for vacation(he called vacations glorious days), and driving.  My Dad never complains so I don't think any of us realize how hard it was for him to lose so much that he'd always enjoyed.

Now his heart is giving out, three severe blockages, congestive heart failure and a recent heart attack have left him very weak.  He is at home with Mom, a hospital bed, Hospice care and nurses and caregivers coming and going.  I have two sisters and one brother that live close and we have been staying with them.

  

My Mom has some dementia and cannot be his primary caregiver.  This is hard to share because I want to be respectful of her privacy.  Please do not tell me or her that everyone forgets things and she is fine.  She is pretty unhappy about the dementia, denies it and does not understand.  They have always looked after each other.  This is where it gets tricky sharing because I want to respect their privacy but unless someone understands just how foggy things are for Mom then it's hard to understand why this is complicated.  She gets frustrated and angry.  

Please do not share this post with her.

They want to be alone, they want quality of life, they love each other and it's their time.  I understand that.  Their kids don't want anyone hurt by falling (Dad is a big guy, not overweight just a big guy and my Mom is a little lady), or hurt by taking the wrong meds.  If my Dad has a heart attack I want to be there to administer the morphine to control the pain.  We tell Mom that Dad cannot get up unless a caregiver is there and she forgets that rule making this difficult.

I am very thankful for my Dad never complaining, for my Mom wanting to be the caretaker, for Hospice, for my siblings and their families, for Kelli (she is the best caretaker ever), for all the caretakers, for the meals.  There is a lot to be grateful for including this time I get with my parents.  Though my Mom keeps asking, "why are you still here?"  

I'm so thankful for the peace they have in Jesus and their faithfulness to God.

It's not an easy season of life for them.  It's hard to watch.  I'm afraid for them.  This is just a short time in our lives that isn't going to be easy.  It is a detour, it is not just the daily grind, it's the winter of their lives.  I want grace, dignity and some good days for them.

That is why it's been quiet on the blog.  I've been busy and preoccupied.  But at the end of day, I still say, "it's all good."  Because in all of this there is a lot of good and God is good.